I was raised going to church and tried to see/hear/know God, but I didn't really understand or want religion for myself. Honestly, I played the Christian role to please my Mom - I loved her more than anything else.
My faith was not my own, it was hers.
Then, I moved away from home and began life as a nominal "Christian" college student. Truthfully, I am ashamed at how much of my life has been lived in hypocrisy - saying one thing but doing another... wearing a mask to hide the messed up me - but, that stage of life is probably one I feel the most shame for.
I drank and swore and was very immodest... I thought I was having a great time doing it, too, but inside I was withering.
I began having panic attacks and severe anxiety - I was afraid of everything. I lost weight, I couldn't sleep, I didn't have an appetite. Finally, I looked at myself in the dorm room mirror - really looked - and was terrified by what I saw. I was a sallow-eyed skeleton...a shell of a person. I didn't know what else to do but pray.
I began having panic attacks and severe anxiety - I was afraid of everything. I lost weight, I couldn't sleep, I didn't have an appetite. Finally, I looked at myself in the dorm room mirror - really looked - and was terrified by what I saw. I was a sallow-eyed skeleton...a shell of a person. I didn't know what else to do but pray.
"God....God... Please help me. I'm done with this life of regret and selfishness. Look what it's done to me!
I want to live for You... And this time it's not my Mom's decision, it's mine. I believe everything I've learned about You. I believe you are the Creator of all - my Savior because of your death on the cross - Jesus, please help me."
A month later, my health was worse - for real! I thought God wasn't listening! I got so physically ill, I dropped out of college and moved home. I spent two months housebound, helping my mom take care of my Grandma. That is when God answered my prayers and started to heal me from the inside...out.
A month later, my health was worse - for real! I thought God wasn't listening! I got so physically ill, I dropped out of college and moved home. I spent two months housebound, helping my mom take care of my Grandma. That is when God answered my prayers and started to heal me from the inside...out.
He removed me from a situation I never would have had the guts to leave - education was everything! I was in constant fellowship with my wonderful, godly Mom and Grandma. I began the journey of physical healing...one day at a time. I had a ton of free time, so I read the whole Bible in those couple of months - I began seeking after and learning about my Father, who made me, who loves me, and who calls me out of the pit into His glorious light. Hey!!! I was saved because of that prayer!!
"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" - Romans 10:9
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" - John 3:16
I am still a mess at times, you know?! I struggle with worry and fear and distrust in God. I am not perfect!!! But I am constantly leaning on God and He is constantly helping me.
Are you like me?
Let Him help you! Talk to Him - He hears you!
love,
Beth
I am still a mess at times, you know?! I struggle with worry and fear and distrust in God. I am not perfect!!! But I am constantly leaning on God and He is constantly helping me.
Are you like me?
Let Him help you! Talk to Him - He hears you!
love,
Beth