'What He has Chosen'

I am married to a salesman. It’s a simple sentence with a simple meaning…money does not come into our household on a regular schedule.  For most of the last 30 years, we have lived on straight commission. The reality is that it is a wonderful way to live and the Lord has shown us much favor during our marriage in terms of provision.  There have been many blessings both in terms of financial gain and the time provided being self-employed. 
 
But there is a time when security becomes more precious than flexibility and when the pressure of debt outweighs the hope of a windfall.  

​Over twenty years of living solely on commission was wearing on me and it was not a good look.  My attitude was becoming increasingly discouraging and the words “how was your day” were not being uttered any more. 
 
I just didn’t care. This job was not providing for me in a way that I wanted it to and I was frustrated.   But the problem was much deeper than book budgets being cut drastically in school districts around the state.  

Since attitude is so important in sales, I wouldn’t talk to Randy about my growing frustration and fear about cash flow.  I would only pray.  I would pray that the Lord would pour out His blessings on us once again and restore his sales figures back to what they had been.  Things kept getting worse.  I would pray that the Lord would give him a heart to look for something else for work.  Things kept getting worse.  I would pray that the Lord would keep him hopeful so he could make one more phone call, go to one more school.  But things just kept getting worse.
 
Weeks turned into months and months turned into years.  But time is such a funny thing.  You don’t really measure the years until you look back.  Looking ahead things seem to take so long, but looking back, it seems that everything went too fast.  

Since the Lord doesn’t measure time the way we do (“…with the Lord, one day is as a thousand years…” 2 Peter 3:8), I think He must be interested in filling our days with different things than what we think we need.  Different things than what we think to ask for. 
 
I kept asking for my circumstances to change, for things to get easier, for this difficulty to just stop, but one day I got a sense that the Lord was whispering to me, “Don’t ask about Randy’s job again.  This is what I have for you.  This is what I have chosen for now to shape you.”  The Lord most likely desired to communicate that truth to me long before I actually heard Him.  The reason I can be so sure is that He wants me to learn things like contentment, thankfulness and that He is enough.  No matter what….He is enough.  

love,
​Becky